As we offer a way forward, we identify and discuss many pitfalls that couples fall into when trying to work through an intimate betrayal. You may have already encountered some of these pitfalls as you tried to work things out with your partner. As we point out these common pitfalls, the important thing is not to get hung up on what didn’t work, but to use those experiences and examples as a reference point for trying new techniques. And you don’t have to be perfect when following our advice—it’s not even possible to be perfect, especially in a time of crisis. If you slip up and fall back into old habits or counterproductive behaviors, as you become aware that you’re doing so, cut yourself some slack, take a moment to regroup, and approach the problem with the skills and techniques provided in the chapters to come.

We include a lot of activities in the second half of the book designed to help you work through the betrayal you experienced. While some of the activities are fairly simple, they will provide you with real benefits. You may be tempted to skip them because you think you get the point we are trying to make. Please don’t do this. Only by doing the activities will you bring about the desired results.

And as mentioned, we’ve created a website for you, the readers of our book. This website ( is a private, confidential online community where you can share your experiences, ask us questions, and get advice from us and others on how best to move forward, given your particular circumstances. This online community includes assessment tools, online journals, forums, and a variety of additional resources to help you cope with and recover from an intimate betrayal.