INTRODUCTION

In reality, our romantic relationships are sometimes difficult—complicated by contradictions and competing desires. Most of the time, our relationships bring us tremendous rewards—but not all of the time. Even the best romantic partners sometimes put their own desires and needs ahead of what is good for the relationship. Coming to terms with this reality helps people work through difficult problems as they arise. Creating a stronger, more successful relationship is possible when people accept that relationships require more than love. Most relationships encounter problems that eventually need to be addressed. True love requires working through such challenges as they emerge.

Our book is also unique in that we take your perspective as well as your partner’s into account. The research on this is clear: both perspectives need to be addressed in order for there to be any reconciliation and forgiveness. While you definitely want your partner to understand the pain he or she has caused you, we know it can be difficult to see the situation from his or her point of view. However, if you want to recover from an intimate betrayal, you will eventually need to understand where your partner is coming from. What was your partner thinking, and what motivated their behavior? We will help you work through this process so that both you and your partner come to an agreed-upon meaning of exactly what happened. It’s only through establishing a mutual understanding of how and why the betrayal occurred that relationships have the potential to grow closer and stronger.

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