(Re)Engaging Your Partner Constructively

To resolve an intimate betrayal in a meaningful way, you will need your partner’s willingness and cooperation. The best way to gain your partner’s cooperation is to get him or her to see the situation from your point of view.

Although extremely difficult, it can help to put yourself in your partner’s shoes for just a minute. Imagine that you’ve betrayed your partner in a horrible way. How would you like your partner to raise the issue with you?

Remember Brian and Ashley? Brian was understandably devastated when he received a Facebook message from a stranger who claimed to be sleeping with his girlfriend. When he finally had a chance to talk to Ashley face-to-face about it, the conversation did not go over well. He immediately accused her, asked a lot of direct questions, and demanded to be told the truth: “Did you cheat on me? Who is he? How do you know him? You better tell me exactly what happened!”