Listed here is an overview of the various steps involved in rebuilding trust. We’ll work through what both you and your partner need to do in every step of this process in this chapter and the next.

Steps to Rebuild Trust

  1. Describe the Transgression
  2. Clarify the Facts
  3. Make/Accept Sincere Apologies
  4. Explain the Reason for the Betrayal
  5. Create a Plan
  6. Stick to Your Plan
  7. Assess Your Progress
  8. Be Patient

To begin, three key actions need to happen next in order to save your relationship: both partners need to discuss the transgression, what happened needs to be clarified, and the person who betrayed their partner’s trust needs to apologize for their actions. It’s not critical that these steps happen in this exact order. Most of the time, an apology works best after the responsible party owns up to the facts of the betrayal. Sometimes apologies can be blended into the discussion of what happened. It really depends on what feels right, given your circumstances.