The Paradox of Intimacy

You’re probably asking, “Why did this happen to me?” Although you’re undoubtedly hurting right now, it may help to know that many people experience a betrayal at some point in their romantic relationships—you’re definitely not alone. And although common, betrayals still take most people by surprise—few people expect a romantic partner to betray their trust. Because people don’t anticipate being betrayed, most people aren’t equipped to deal with the aftermath.

When you’re forced to deal with situations with little warning or preparation, it’s common to look for someone or something to blame. This is especially the case when one has been betrayed by a romantic partner—it’s so easy to blame a partner for the harm they’ve caused. Sometimes people even blame themselves for being betrayed (“There must be something wrong with me.”). And in many cases, people automatically assume that their relationship is fundamentally flawed.