Thank you for sharing. I do not have any advice. All I can say is that I relate to the fear of being betrayed. It is a dreadful way to live therefore the relief of ending the relationship and fear of starting a new one is understandable.
I’m still reading Broken Trust which I’m sure provides a lot of tools. Another book I’m working through is Taming The Outer Child by Susan Anderson. She claims that building an internal feeling of safety starts by being the Adult for our Inner Child and handling our self destructive behavior habits which she named the Outer Child. It’s still early days for me with this work but I see huge benefits in dealing with my anxiety.
I wish you the best. You are not alone.