Thanks Tim. I have been seeing a counsellor provided through my workplace though my sessions are finished now (they only provide six free sessions) and she did encourage me to find another counsellor to help me through this terrible time. Her view was given the entrenched nature of the deception which extends to things other than the affair it would be unlikely to resolve well. The problem is too that I am now acting in a concerned and sometimes cool attachment style with him as I no longer trust anything he says and does and because his attention is constantly on this other woman – he even wakes up every night around 2am to send her text messages. I always assumed he was confident attachment style but from what my counsellor said his extroversion is about seeking external validation and hence the affairs. Your book is very helpful and I also appreciate this forum as a way of connecting with others going through this. It does help to know other people are going through similar experiences.