Reply To: Emotional affair

Reply To: Emotional affair

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tcoleTim Cole

Hi Zoomom,

These situations are difficult. They can also be opportunities to learn new ways of dealing with one’s anxiety, especially if you have a concerned style of attachment.

While it’s natural to want to know what a partner is thinking, especially given what’s at stake, it’s more helpful to 1) acknowledge your uncertainty, 2) realize that you can’t control or know what he’s doing, and 3) try to use your energy to do things that take care of yourself. Even doing small things to improve your life will help you become more secure and prepared for whatever the outcome may be. By focusing on what your husband is or isn’t doing — only reinforces your anxiety and diverts your energy to things you cannot control. I know how hard these patterns are too break. However, working at changing how you respond to your husband is a key part of building a healthy relationship. Again, this process is so much easier if you can work with a counselor.