Reply To: When all appears to be lost

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During my 42 year marriage I spent several years going to prostitutes. When I stopped that behavior I moved to pornographic magazines and then internet porn for many more years. My wife knew the entire time of my infidelity but she remained silent because we had 2 small children, and because of my career. I am now trying to make amends for my abhorrent behavior. Reading Broken Trust was a first step.

I have attended SAA meetings and read the 12 steps. Their focus is on making the addict whole again. But this seems to me unfair to the victims. What about their welfare. What about my wife’s welfare. I want to know how I can make her whole again. I am very lucky as she is one of a kind and is willing to give me a chance to reconcile. But I want desperately to let her know that her care comes first. Can you help?