Thank you for your input. I really did make myself clear about the strip clubs in the beginning. I said going there and watching with a group of friends and have a few beers as a one time thing is no big deal. After I found out he lied I made it clear it was no longer an option to go. After learning of the lap dance and I asked if he touched them, he lied and said no there was “no contact” I believed him but again, made it clear that this was unacceptable behavior. He promised not to go again and went for the next decade. He would Call me from hunting/fishing trips and saying they were “going to bed early” when in reality they were going to clubs.
He admits the private room lap dancers were fully nude and were grinding on him. He insists he didn’t have an erection, which to me is laughable. These things make me question what I don’t know. He was permitted to touch her so I worry I don’t know the truth. And maybe I won’t ever, but how do resolve that issue in my own head? I struggle everyday with the thought of still being lied to and did he do more with these woman?
I have explained to him to put himself in my position and asked how he would feel if I were touching a guys private parts. He said “it’s not the same, woman’s breasts are not the same as a mans private parts” I can’t unserstand his thinking?? And if I try to discuss it he interrupts and says “I wouldn’t like it but you’re just trying to punish me with these scenarios”.
Im at a loss since our counselor only wants us to plan activities together and doesn’t get to the WHY of the behavior? My husband said it was just “guys blowing off steam” but how could he do that to me, risking our relationship for 12 years after I made it clear it was not acceptable behavior?