I’m glad you’re going to counseling. In many cases, financial infidelity is driven by some type of insecurity. People with a concerned style of attachment can get into financial trouble because they want to please others, especially their partners. They will take on hidden debt and obligations and they also have a hard time saying “no” to a partner’s requests. Often this type of financial infidelity is driven by a fear of making a partner upset or fears of being abandoned. If these fears are driving your behavior, your counselor should be able to help you overcome this problem by focusing on your underlying insecurity.
Financial infidelity is also driven by a cool style of attachment. However, people with a cool style of attachment spend money they shouldn’t because it makes them feel like they are in control of their lives — their partners don’t control their spending. Spending money behind a partner’s back gives them a sense of autonomy.
Again, talking with a counselor about the motivation underlying your behavior is the best way to move forward.
I wish you the best,