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#6817 Reply
tcole
Tim Cole
Keymaster

Hi again…

Unless she is intentionally trying to be cruel, she probably doesn’t truly understand what it’s like to experience trust issues in a relationship or know how her stories impact you.

It is easier to understand what a person is saying, but more difficult to understand what another person truly experiences. It’s possible she hears what you’re saying, but she may not know what it feels like to be in your shoes. She may not get the agony that her disclosures put you through.

For example, I have a friend to takes criticism and turns it into shame — negative feelings about himself. Although I’ve read a lot of research on the topic, I truly don’t understand what he goes through when someone criticizes him (even mild criticism like someone mentioning that he was five minutes late can make him feel like the entire world is crashing down on him — he feels worthless, hopeless, and full of despair). Although I understand what he’s saying, I don’t fully understand what he feels.

If you have a serious issue with any topic (trust, criticism, perfectionism…), it can be very difficult for a partner or someone else to fully grasp the impact that related events have on you. Again, counseling is the best way to resolve your trust issues.

I wish you the best!

Tim