Reply To: My story – long read – input/advice please

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#6819 Reply

May I add a few comments? I’ve found it helpful in the past to think “does sexual history really matter?” I think it’s important to recognise that ones wife/girlfriend is an individual sexual being and has had her own needs and desires that needed to be met prior to current relationship. We all have a sexual history…. personally I think it’s just that though, history. It helps to think “she is with me now, she has chosen me as her partner” and to just accept the past for what it is, the past Also, you mention in your posts a lot about the “truth”. I’ve learnt through therapy that there is no one “truth” in a relationship. Each person has there own belief in what the truth is. A therapist once put it to me this way “as an example, look at what happens when there a car accident. Six people witnessed it but all of their witness statements are different. It’s not because they’re lying, it’s because they all saw it differently. They were all in different positions, on different sides of the intersection, at different angles. For each of them they were all telling the truth, but it was their truth, the truth as they saw things, which is going to be different from what the person across the street saw. This despite them all being involved in the same incident”. That has alway stayed with me and I have used that often to remind myself of the difficulties in assuming “truths” within my own marriage. Good luck with your issues at hand. I am dealing with my own betrayal (my wife cheated) and I know just how difficult it can be. Hang in there.