My husband has been a white lie kind of guy our whole marriage, until 10 years ago when he engaged in some sexting. We eventually got through that and moved on.
Then 3 years ago I found out he was texting the same woman again. He said he felt ashamed and was so sorry. I can’t get past this one, it feels worse than the first time.
Now I find it hard to believe anything. I’m trying but he gets very defensive when I ask questions.
He’s on a trip and says he has a meeting at 7:30 with a colleague. Is it okay to ask him to take a picture with him and send it to me so my imagination doesn’t run wild?
When your husband betrays your trust by sexting someone else it’s natural to have doubts and want to know the truth.
With that said, asking very direct questions of your husband and demanding proof of what he’s doing almost always leads to a defensive response. And when your husband responds defensively, it undoubtedly increases your uncertainty only resulting in you asking more questions. When couples get stuck in such a pattern of accusations and defensiveness, it can do just as much harm to the relationship as the initial betrayal.
The best way to breakout of this destructive pattern is to deal with the problem by adopting a collaborative approach. A collaborative approach involves getting your husband to see the situation from your point of view and working with him on solutions to help you resolve your doubts and concerns together as a couple. Essentially, you want to approach the problem from a joint perspective — it’s “us versus our problem” rather than it’s “you versus me.”
Broken Trust offers detailed and practical advice on how to adopt a collaborative approach when problems in a relationship come to light.