My partner and I are both 55 years old. We have been together for over 12 months. I sold my home and moved in with my partner while I was getting my new home updated. After 5 months my partner asked me to leave after a minor disagreement. We didn’t see each other for 3 weeks and my partner went on dating sites during this time.
Since we have got back together my partner has been telling lies as to her whereabouts. Tonight, she told me she is out at a friend’s house having a girl night. I know she is at home. I’m not sure if she is alone or has company. This is not the first time she has lied to me in the 2 weeks we have been back together. These lies are making me feel uneasy. How do I approach this with my partner?
There are a couple of things to consider. When first dating, people tend to be on their best behavior. However, as time passes, and couples form an attachment to each other, things change. As relationships become more serious, an individual’s attachment style increasingly influences a partner’s behavior.
People with an anxious style of attachment tend to become clingier and needier whereas individuals with a dismissing style of attachment become more distant, aloof, and dishonest. It’s always helpful to understand both you and your partner’s style of attachment and how they may be causing issues in your relationship. We go into great detail in our book, Broken Trust, on the role that attachment styles play when dealing with an intimate betrayal. We also provide a summary of how attachment styles influence a wide range of behaviors in a relationship.
As to best approach the topic with your partner, you can read our chapter on how to start such discussions here.
Hope you find this helpful.